Revisiting The Worst Place in America

I’m about 2 ½ years late, but I did finally play through Grand Theft Auto IV. I had seen (and played) a little bit of the game when it had first come out, but I really had minimal experience with the game. From what I had heard and seen though, I went into the game knowing it was a much more dark and serious game in comparison to the light, ridiculous tone that made up most of the previous games in the series.

The game actually had more of the humor that I love than I was expecting. The radio is still chock-full of satirical ads and DJ’s (including Lazlow), the city is overflowing with ridiculous billboards and businesses, and citizens of Liberty city still have plenty of things to say while you’re racing past them, pushing them over, or discharging firearms in the park. It’s still GTA.

After GTA III, Vice City added motorcycles to the mix, but was mainly just a change of environment and time period. That certainly wasn’t a bad thing, but drastic changes came along with San Andreas. A massive, and I do mean MASSIVE world to play in, with the addition of fat, muscle, and sex appeal bars that felt like something out of The Sims. Many of the changes in San Andreas were welcome additions, but it did feel a little overwhelming at times. It was time for GTA IV to come along, drop these "Sims bars," and change things again.

Instead of focusing on sheer size like San Andreas did, GTA IV puts more effort into detail. GTA IV isn’t as large as San Andreas, but the attention to detail is incredible. Stealing a parked car now requires you to smash out the window and wait while Niko hotwires the car. Exiting a car without shutting it off means you’ll hear the muffled music of the radio playing. Drive-by’s require you to smash out the window with your elbow before you can shoot. Not paying tolls will get you a 1-star wanted level. There are a lot of subtle things. All of this detail makes things look more realistic. More realistic environments create a more realistic experience.

It’s not just the environments however. Now cars don’t handle nearly as well as they used to. It actually takes a while to slow your car down when you’re traveling at over 100 mph. Head-on collisions throw you through the windshield and kill other drivers. I realize I’ve already made my point, but the amount of detail is incredible when you first see it. I suppose these comments would have been slightly more relevant when the game was new… but whatever.

What does it all add up to? Liberty City is now a thriving metropolis that can pretty much run itself. The big question for me though, was, “Is it still fun?” The answer came to me when I was learning the new physics and found myself sliding off the road smashing into pedestrians. “Yes,” I thought, “It is still fun.” However, I still argue that the fun factor of the game has taken a hit. This mainly comes out of two elements, those being the story, and the addition of a cell phone. The story has taken a much darker, more serious tone compared to earlier games such as GTA III and Vice City. San Andreas started to go in a more serious direction, but it’s still a lot more ridiculous than GTA IV (and I mean “ridiculous” in a good way). While I can understand some people enjoying the new style more, I personally miss the silliness that used to comprise most of GTA.

The other annoyance I mentioned is that of the cell phone. I should clarify, the cell phone actually has some pretty neat uses throughout the game, but the one you’ll see most often is a lot less interesting. “COUSIN, IT IS YOUR COUSIN.” Ugh… dammit Roman... And it’s not just Roman. All of your friends are bugging you to hang out with them, or getting uppity because you don’t call them. Someone was talking to me about their take on the cell phone mechanic in GTA IV and said, “I don’t even like dealing with that in real-life.” That’s exactly it. Having that element may be more realistic, but it isn’t as much fun. I realize it’s true that you could ignore all of these requests to hang out, but you’re encouraged to and eventually rewarded for doing so, with different friends having different ways they can help you if they like you enough. (I.E. The ability to provide you with weapons at a discounted price)

Grand Theft Auto IV is one of the most technically impressive games I’ve seen. Aside from the already rather long story, the game also offers a lot of various side missions. That reminds me, however, of another annoyance. It’s not really part of the game… so it’s difficult to call it a problem with the game, but it’s one of the worst achievements I’ve seen in a game. One of the achievements requires you to finish the story in under 30 hours. I’ve been told by trophy-hunting experts (you know who you are) that this isn’t hard to do. It was for me however, because I actually ENJOYED what the game has to offer. I ENJOYED driving around the city. I ENJOYED doing the car export side missions. I ENJOYED watching citizens of Liberty City interact with each other and react to me being a jackass. As such, I was punished by not receiving one of the most valuable achievements in the game. Probably everyone reading this already knows how I feel about achievements, but this is even worse than your typical achievements. Why in the hell would you include a time-sensitive trophy in a sandbox game you’re encouraged to mess around with? In the words of Hank Hill, “That’s just asinine.”

Annoyances aside, GTA IV is a fantastic game that I’m glad I’ve played. I probably won’t be downloading the new mission packs, as I would much rather just be a jackass in Liberty City. That’s how I’ve always played GTA games. The first part of the game is playing the story, unlocking the city and getting armed with weapons. Then, let loose and mess with the city. Just make sure not too have too much fun before completing the story or you won’t get a high-level achievement! Ugh... achievements.

"Nice Try, Buddy."

I have a bit of a gaming "bucket list" if you will. I'm actually doing quite well with it. I've beaten Battletoads, Outrun, and Hang-on to name a few. I even recently beat Top Gun on the NES a month or so ago, which is a game that's haunted me for many years. There is one game though, that I don't believe I'll ever complete... or even win ONCE in. As irony would have it, another Tom Cruise movie is the initial source of more torturous gaming that I cannot win to this day: "Days of Thunder," on the NES.

First of all, let me make it clear that I'm not going to make movie comparisons. When I played this game as a kid, I knew nothing more than that it had both a "Hardee's" and a "Mello Yello" car on the cover, and they appeared to be leading a pack of racers. In other words, "Sweet, a racing game." Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I was in for an extremely frustrating and boring experience. In its defense, NASCAR isn't exactly a riveting sport, so it's somewhat difficult to complain about doing nothing but turning left, but it still makes for a dull game.

So the boring part is pretty easy to understand. The visuals are dull, with the different tracks looking identical except for the colors of the sky and road changing. The frustration, however, requires a bit more explanation. Before doing any race, you must first do qualifying laps. 4 of them to be exact. You are given a time to beat for first place. The frustration starts as early as the qualifying round. Of those 4 laps, your second lap is really the only one that matters. The first lap is spent getting your car up to speed, and as early as the tail-end of lap 3, your car's right-side tires will deteriorate forcing you to slow down more to avoid sliding right, into the outside wall. So, it's possible that if you have a really terrible lap 2, you could slightly redeem yourself in lap 3 or 4, but if you're trying to qualify 1st, the second lap is really your only chance. This also means that if you do end up doing well and succeed at beating the time in lap 2, YOU'RE DONE. Yet, you still have to waste your time and do 2 more pointless laps. Exciting. The qualifying round really tells you what kind of a game you're in for.

Now you've qualified and you're ready to race. Hell, maybe you've even qualified first. It doesn't matter, because you will start behind 1st and have to overtake him. That's right, even if you qualify for first position, you're still going to need to catch up and overtake 1st place. What a load. Not to mention, that may not sound that tough, but it's insanely difficult. You see, unlike any of the other racers in the game, 1st position will actively try to block you from passing. Due to the crappy perspective of the game, it's very tough to see where you are in relation to the other racer in terms of depth. So, you may think, "Finally, I've squeezed past him, so now I'll bump into his side," when you hear the grinding sound of failure and hit his rear, pushing him slightly forward, forcing you to take another approach at overtaking. It's all right though, you've got 12 laps or more depending on the stage. That gives you time to overtake him, right? Well, sure... but one too many hits to the front end of your car, and your engine will get damaged. Damaged engine= slower vehicle. Slower vehicle= never getting 1st ever. Not to mention, by this point, you're likely starting to run low on your fuel... and your tires will have deteriorated on both sides forcing you to take every turn slower, widening the gap between you and 1st, unless, by some freak accident, you've ended up in 1st, in which case the gap between you and 2nd is closing.

That means, it's time to take your car into the pits. This is possibly even more frustrating than the other portions of this game, although it's tough to say. Before I go into detail, I ask you to think about an entire pit crew. Then I ask you to think about how fast they all work together. Then I ask you to think about how quickly a pit crew would work if only one member could move at a time. See the problem? Plus, I somehow always seem to get stuck on the car when I think I'm past it, losing precious precious seconds as I try to get my pit crew to the right side of the car. Which reminds me, why do I have 4 pit crew members on the left and only 1 on the right? I understand the mechanic stays up front on the right for the engine, and I understand the guy who stands back on the left to fuel the car... so I guess the other 3 on the left kind of makes sense, because you need 3 people to change out the tires on a side of the car: One to use a jack to lift up the car, and the other 2 for the 2 tires. Fine, I guess I answered my question, but couldn't they at least be on the right side? The right side tires ALWAYS go before the left side tires. I suppose that doesn't really matter either since you're going to wait until all the tires have worn some before you do a pit stop.

None of it really matters. It just amounts to one giant pain in the ass. Maybe that's what this game is... training kids for the real-world. It's horribly frustrating, unfair, and you feel as though you'll never win. Also, not unlike many real-life human beings like myself, the game apparently sucks at math. I just finished the first race of the game in 2nd place. That means there has only been one race in the series cup. What position should I be in? If you were to ask any elementary school child this question, if they were old enough to know you were being an ass and trying to trick them, they would tell you that you'd, of course, be in 2nd place (What's 7+ 0?).

Well, not according to this game. According to this game, winning 2nd place in the first race puts you tied with 1st in the series' standings despite the fact that 1st place is, naturally, worth more points than 2nd. Go ahead math wizards, explain to me how that works. IT DOESN'T.

The world according to Days of Thunder on NES.

Before I finish, I'm proud to say, (more ashamed, really) that after playing this game again today, I was able to win one race. Yes, it's possible. However, this was the 2nd race of the game, which is, according to a GUIDE ON DAYS OF THUNDER (Yes! someone really made it, check GameFAQs, I dare you) the easiest track to win. That's right, I put all those other drivers to shame, especially last place driver... wait, seriously? Brian Tumor? I see what you did there... I guess that's better than "Dick Flood," which was used in other versions of the game. C'mon. "It's not a trickle, it's a flood!" OH YOU SO CLEVER.

Anyways, as I said earlier, maybe this game is a symbolic representation of the hardships of life, so I guess if you want an allegory of how shitty life can be, "Days of Thunder" on the NES is a golden title. For the rest of us, we probably should play something else and stay far, far away from this monotonous, irritating NES game.

Platforming Week was Captured by Banditos

Platforming week came to a halt, mainly due to laziness, but it was also tough to write up decent posts because I was very distracted. It's hard to believe a new game could keep me from playing great platforming games, but it finally happened. I actually got hooked on a game that's nearly new enough to be considered, "relevant." I got sucked into the old west with Red Dead Redemption.

I'd like to give a little background before I delve into this one. For starters, the "Red Dead" name was not new to me at all. I had played Red Dead Revolver years before and enjoyed it as a fun, decent 3rd person shooter with an amazing soundtrack. When I first heard that Red Dead Redemption was going to be a sandbox game, I was skeptical to say the least. I just couldn't quite picture it in my head. I was excited to see the game getting nothing but positive reviews, but I had to see it for myself.

Before I knew it, I was herding cattle, breaking horses, hunting wildlife, and hogtying banditos. I'm not usually one to go for side-quests, but Red Dead Redemption is crafty and had no trouble pulling me away from the main story missions. I would ride towards my destination, and suddenly I would notice a question mark on the map. "Well, I might as well check out the stranger mission," I'd say to myself, and suddenly I was caught up in that instead of arriving at my original destination. Aside from the strangers' missions, there's also a wide variety of random happenings. These are far less involved, but distracted me from the main quest regularly. I might be headed for the next story mission, but as soon as I heard that person yelling that someone had stolen their horse, I started chasing after the thief, swinging my lasso. Because the side-missions tended to be along the way, I couldn't help but get caught up in them. Rather than just being these distant things that are out there for you eventually, side-missions usually met you head on and were in your face. If a side-quest is in some distant optional location, I tend to ignore it completely, but when it's right there in front of me, it's much harder for me to turn down an extra mission.

As is the trend of later GTA games, Red Dead Redemption has a more serious tone than say, GTA III or Vice City. With Red Dead Redemption, however, I mind it much less, as the game makes me think of Westerns, which I tend to think of as being more serious than comical. Generally speaking, I'm much more in favor of the lighthearted nature of the old GTA games, but in this case, I feel the serious nature is warranted. That's not to say the game has no sense of humor, as you'll meet some peculiar characters on your journey that offer comic relief. Not to mention the rampant use of the famous "Wilhelm scream," which, while usually giving me a laugh, also feels quite fitting for a western shoot-out.

Talking about sound brings to mind the game's music. Years earlier, Red Dead Revolver made me fall in love with the soundtracks of Westerns. From the game's title sequence featuring, "Lo Chiamavano King," to the triumphant finale with "Ballata per un pistolero," Red Dead Revolver had a fantastic assortment of songs taken straight from real spaghetti Westerns. (By the way, while those may seem very foreign, there's a good chance you've heard "Ballata per un pistolero" before.) Red Dead Redemption, on the other hand, has a soundtrack almost entirely comprised of original compositions by Bill Elm and Woody Jackson. What's there is excellent, but I almost would like to have seen a little more music in the game. That said, I did enjoy the more subdued, ambient music while riding across the frontier. I'm just being picky.

I have to be picky though, because I really don't have too many other problems with the game. I wasn't keen on the inability to swim, but I wasn't too bothered by it. I just felt they could have given some kind of warning system. Granted, you're not going to be wading through water frequently, but it seems odd that the second you tread too deep, you die instantly. Otherwise, occasionally I came across a visual glitch or two, but in a game as complicated and intricate as Red Dead Redemption, these are easily forgivable. I did, however, find myself unable to complete a mission without restarting. It happened only once, but a horse died under a wagon being driven by a computer character. The wagon couldn't drive over the carcass and I was unable to take the reigns and try to move it, so my only option was to restart the mission. It seems like a fairly uncommon problem, however, and with how much this game has to offer, it was easy for me to overlook.

Speaking of "restarting missions," I haven't played GTA IV, so I'm not entirely sure about its mechanics, but I'm damn sure that in the old GTA games, if you died, you lost ALL of your weapons, and some of your money to boot. In other words, for me, this meant re-loading my last save whenever I died. Red Dead Redemption really doesn't punish you for dying. If in a mission, you'll simply restart from the last checkpoint. Outside of a mission, dying will simply put you back at the last save point you used. This eliminates frustrating deaths where you feel as though you lose a lot of progress.

Minor complaints aside, it all boils down to an excellent sandbox experience with a lot to offer and what must be the best Western-themed video game the market has to offer. I remember thinking, back when I played Red Dead Revolver the first time, "The Western seems like such an obvious and perfect choice for a video game, why aren't there more Western-themed games?" While I do still hope more games will try out the genre, they're going to have a hell of a time living up to Red Dead Redemption. Then again, most sandbox games will too. Good luck fellow contenders for "Best game of 2010." You're going to need it.

Platforming Week: Prinny: Can I Really Be the Hero?

Although it usually is the case, "2-D platforming game" does not ALWAYS have to mean the same thing as "retro platforming game." A fine example of a recent 2-D platformer that wasn't a re-make or re-imagining of a retro title was the 2009 PSP game, "Prinny- Can I Really Be the Hero?" Yes, it's a silly title, for a silly game, but the platforming elements are strong.

Prinny is a game that really came out of nowhere for me. I honestly could not have predicted a 2-D side-scrolling platform game would be a spin-off of a major strategy RPG series. I can only imagine how frustrated someone would be if they bought Prinny thinking it was going to be a strategy RPG. I, on the other hand, was thrilled to see it. In fact, I've never even played a Disgaea game, I was just thrilled to see a solid 2-D platforming title in 2009. Unfortunately, I can't imagine this game has a very large fanbase. Fans of the Disgaea games may not enjoy playing a punishing platformer, and fans of old-school platformers might not like the game's anime aesthetic. A random game that I'm as surprised as I am glad to see. As a humorous side-note, not surprisingly, Gamestop's website incorrectly identifies this game as being in the "role-playing" category.

Soundtrack
The soundtrack in Prinny is a bit lackluster. It isn't bad, by any means, and has a few catchy/memorable tunes, but for the most part, it's simply there. Ironically, this is one of very few games that came with a CD of the soundtrack as a pre-order bonus. Seeing as it was a pre-order bonus, it was free, so I can hardly complain. It's also a portable game, so you're usually listening to the music through the PSP's crappy speakers, which probably doesn't help any. All in all, the music is generally okay, it just isn't anything to write home about.

Difficulty
Despite the cute/silly appearance of Prinny, the game's difficulty is no joke. Up this point I've neglected to mention, the game's gimmick is that you have 1000 lives. That's a lot of lives, but the game takes this into consideration and really ups the ante when it comes to the challenge. I consider myself fairly skilled in the ways of platforming, but by the end, my first time through, I had lost several hundred lives. Worse still, that was on the "Normal" difficulty. Prinny features 2 difficulties, "Normal," and "Hell's Finest." In the normal difficulty, it takes 4 hits to kill one of your 1000 prinnies. In Hell's Finest, however, much like Rocket Knight Adventures, one hit takes you down. 1000 lives may seem like a lot, but with one hit deaths and all the traps this game throws at you, those lives will disappear before your eyes. I personally have not braved the hard difficulty but I can imagine it truly would be hell. I can say that the normal difficulty is plenty hard on its own, but the 1000 lives give you a lot of chances to learn the trickiest parts of the levels. It's a challenge, but it's do-able and ultimately rewarding.

Control
This game features a stiff control scheme for jumping not unlike the original NES Castlevania games. What's different, however, is that Prinny features a double-jump which does allow for some mid-air adjustment. Anyone who played through any of those classic Castlevania games will learn the controls quickly, but others may need some time to get acquainted with them. Jumping isn't complicated by any means, but it is tricky to master. The game also features a dash mechanic, which is complicated. In order to dash, players must hold the circle button to get their prinny spinning. After a brief period of twirling, the prinny will glow, meaning you can release the button and send your prinny running off. While the prinny is in this state, glowing and ready to dash, he is invulnerable to any attack. That sounds useful, but it's extremely difficult to use effectively. Not to mention, if you hold the button too long, all that spinning will make your prinny dizzy and unable to move for a few seconds, rendering him a sitting duck to any nearby enemies. I imagine this technique may be useful in the Hell's Finest difficulty, but frankly, I never really used the dash/dodge mechanic and was able to beat the game just fine. It does add some depth to the game, however, so I have to commend it for that.

Overall Fun Factor
Prinny is a solid platformer that offers a tough challenge and a lot of replay value. One level is "one hour" in the game. There are 6 different "hours" you can play at for each of the 6 different levels, ranging from morning to night. The levels become harder the later in the day it is, changing enemy placements and actually changing the geography of the stage itself. Different times sometimes even result in different boss battles, so to see it all you'll have to play through the game 6 times.

Aside from the replay value, the game's story is exceedingly ridiculous, which in turn is fun. The reason hundreds of prinnies are sacrificing their lives is to collect ingredients for a dessert their master, Etna, is craving. Between levels, you can even go into Etna's chamber and see her yell and bark orders at your prinny. Unnecessary, but entertaining and a nice touch. Being one of those newfangled games, it has a few extra levels purchasable as downloadable content, but unfortunately, they're very pricey at 4 dollars a stage. I bought one of them, and while it was enjoyable, I beat it in under 10 minutes. I'd like to play the others, but 4 dollars a stage is simply too overpriced.

That said, Prinny was a very satisfying game and one that kept me glued to my PSP (and an outlet, thanks to the PSP's poor battery life). So please, NIS America, I'm begging you, bring Prinny 2 to the states. You brought us a visual novel (Disgaea Infinite) but no Prinny 2? I have to admit I'm losing hope of that game ever making it over here. If it does though, I'll be excited to line up for another serving of punishingly addictive platforming once again.

Platforming Week: Rocket Knight Adventures

So far I've shown a lot of love for Nintendo in my choices this week, which isn't surprising seeing as I had a lot of love for Nintendo growing up. There were plenty of other great platforming games on other consoles, however, including Konami's Rocket Knight Adventures which introduced the world to the "mightiest mammal ever to rocket to stardom," Sparkster.

I didn't have a Sega Genesis as a kid, so I didn't know about a lot of the console exclusives outside of Sonic games. In fact, I actually came across Rocket Knight Adventures by chance. In high school, when I was really starting to get into retro games, a friend offered for me to check out some of his Genesis collection he was trying to get rid of since he knew I had very few games for the console. After buying some more well-known titles off of him such as Sonic 2 and Sonic Spinball, he suggested I try "Rocket Knight Adventures." At the time, I hadn't heard of the game at all, so I had nothing to go off of. I can't remember exactly what he told me, but I learned that the main character had a sword and a jet pack, which must have been enough for me to give it a chance. I'm glad I did, as it turned out to be what could be my favorite game for the Sega Genesis.

Soundtrack
I'm going to keep it short and simply say, it's got some damned good tunes. From the triumphant theme of the first stage sending you off on your journey to the fast-paced exciting tunes as you're flying through space, the soundtrack keeps up with the quality of the rest of the game.

Difficulty
This is actually the first of the platformers I've mentioned thus far that has multiple difficulties. The game has 4 difficulty settings: Children, Easy, Normal, and Hard. The game's preset difficulty, strangely enough, is NOT Normal, but is instead Easy. That seems fitting, however, as "Easy" isn't necessarily easy. In fact, Normal only has one life and one continue. Assuming you play well, you'll earn more lives along the way, but that isn't all that forgiving.

Because it's difficult to thoroughly examine each difficulty, I'll give quick summaries. "Children" is fairly easy until towards the end. "Easy" offers a challenge and is probably the way to play, seeing as it is the game's default difficulty. It also is the first difficulty to allow you to play the game fully to the end, as the "Children" difficulty doesn't let you play the final level. "Normal" is the difficulty I enjoy. It's tough and doesn't allow much room for errors, but thanks to extra lives and a continue, there's room for a couple mistakes. "Hard" is a hell of an understatement. It should be called "ludicrious, "insane," or maybe "suicidal." Apparently, Japan and Europe agree with me, as in those regions, the game's "Hard" mode is called, "crazy hard." The "Hard" mode in Rocket Knight only gives you one, single life with no continues. That's pretty ridiculous, but it's actually worse than that. In "Hard" mode, taking a single hit results in death. So until you find extra lives, a single hit ends the game. That puts even the notorious Battletoads to shame in terms of high difficulty. I'm not messing with that.

As one final note about the difficulties, it should be noted that the American version is the most insulting to include the "Children" difficulty. Hell, if Wikipedia's to be believed, in Japan, that same difficulty is referred to as "Normal." The "Normal" we got is "Very Hard" in Japan and Europe.

Control
The game controls very well. I actually prefer this game's jet pack control scheme over the system that was used in the Genesis sequel, "Sparkster," and eventually in the recent release of "Rocket Knight" that came out just this year. In the latter 2 titles, the jet pack charges on its own and has a designated button used only for rocketing. RKA's jet pack was used by holding the attack button. Both schemes work well, but RKA's is simpler and more comfortable for me, personally.

Overall Fun Factor
You're an opossum with armor, goggles, a sword, and a jet pack. Hell yes. As if that weren't enough, the game offers a lot of variety in level design including riding a mine cart, going in the foreground and background in front of and behind a waterfall, and having to make jumps through an upside-down reflected image. That STILL isn't all the variety this game has to offer, though, as there are a few sections of the game that play out like a horizontal shoot-em-up, such as Gradius or R-type. All of this variety adds up to an extremely fun game that has a lot to offer.

With all the games that have been re-released over the years, it baffles me that Rocket Knight Adventures hasn't seen the re-release love it ought to. It certainly should be on the Wii's virtual console at least. It would be a shame to have a gem like this one go unnoticed and be under-appreciated.

Platforming Week: Kirby's Adventure

I'm going to do my best to avoid having this be "Nostalgic Platforming Week," but yesterday's post got me thinking about other games from my childhood, most of which, were platformers anyways. At the time I didn't enjoy having a game's difficulty beat me to a bloody pulp, so Kirby was an obvious and enjoyable choice.

Soundtrack
You may notice how much this section is beginning to sound like a broken record. I must point out, however, that that is a good thing. Like the other games I've mentioned this week, Kirby's Adventure has enjoyable and memorable tunes. The light, cheerful tone of the game is conveyed nicely through fun, playful tunes. I may abandon this section later in the week since it always sounds like I'm repeating myself, but a good soundtrack helps keep the game in your memory and add to the overall enjoyment. Good tunes certainly don't make good games on their own, but we'd certainly be missing them if they weren't there. Can you imagine a Mega Man game that didn't have at least one good tune? Scary thought...

Difficulty
Like most Kirby games, the game is pretty easy. The neat thing about the game however, is that the different abilities allow for multiple boss strategies and ways to clear stages. It may be a little on the easy side, but that never detracts from the fun.

Control
Simplistic, but never lacking, Kirby's Adventure's controls are easy to learn and feel comfortable nearly instantly. A jumps, B uses copy abilities, up makes him fly, down makes him eat inhaled enemies. Simple and comfortable, what more do you need?

Overall Fun Factor
To put it simply, the strongest aspect of Kirby's Adventure is that it's fun. The many abilities acquired through copying enemies is an extremely fun mechanic that keeps things interesting the whole way through. Kirby's copy ability is well-known, but it's important to remember that Kirby's Adventure is the first game in which Kirby has this ability. In fact, while this wasn't his first game, I would argue that Kirby's Adventure is where Kirby's legacy truly began. Before Kirby's Adventure, Kirby didn't even have his signature pink appearance... well, in America at least. Even so, Kirby's Adventure is the game that introduced the most beloved and recognizable feature of Kirby to the series. (And Meta Knight. He's pretty cool too). I often am torn between Kirby's Adventure and Kirby Super Star for the title of "favorite Kirby game," but without a doubt, Kirby's Adventure is the game that made Kirby games what they are today (excluding the spin-off games).

I would like to end this time, looking towards the future. Kirby hasn't had a major console release (excluding handhelds) since the N64 game. That was literally a decade ago in 2000. There were teases several times along the way that Kirby was finally going to be reappearing on our TV screens, but the only thing we got was Kirby Air Ride on the Gamecube in 2003, and that was ultimately a large disappointment, and not a standard Kirby game. It should come as no surprise that I'm extremely excited to see Kirby finally returning to the major console spotlight after all these years. So here's hoping that Kirby's Epic Yarn brings Kirby back to his former glory. I'm a little skeptical since he's lost his usual copy ability, but the game still looks very promising. Best wishes, Kirby.

Platforming Week: Donkey Kong Country 2

Thanks to a long (but excellent) night filled with fun and fighting games, this will be a shortened (and cheapened) post. Still, I would like to try and keep up with a post a day, so I'll give it a shot.

Whereas Castlevania IV was a game I played several years after the SNES still had games coming out, Donkey Kong Country games were childhood favorites. I remember getting excited around the release dates of Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 in particular. Donkey Kong Country 2, however, stands out in my mind easily as my favorite of the 3. The other 2 were good (though 3 was my least favorite... that stupid big baby...) but my heart lies with 2. I even remember being at my friend's birthday party when I was still in elementary school and his big present being Donkey Kong Country 2. I was so excited to see the game... But enough with the nostalgia. Let's talk about the game at hand.

Soundtrack
The original Donkey Kong Country definitely had some great music but DKC2 certainly lives up to if not surpasses its predecessor's soundtrack. Many of the tunes are memorable, but I have to admit, nostalgia does play a role in this regard. Nevertheless, tracks like "stickerbrush symphony" from the thorn/bramble levels are very catchy and will remain favorites of mine for years to come. One other thing I really like about the game's music (and this isn't as attributable to nostalgia) is the death music. Not so much the tune itself, but the fact that it changes. All of the levels have a death tune that fits the theme music of the level you're on. While this isn't a major plus, it certainly is noticeable and a nice touch. After all, while you'll still be hearing the death music a fair amount, it makes it less annoying to hear different themes for different levels.

Difficulty
None of the Donkey Kong Country games are known as being "the hardest games ever," or anything, but Donkey Kong Country 2, as I recall, was the toughest of the 3. It never feels too difficult, but I never felt it was too easy. It finds a decent balance, and thanks to battery back-up save points, you'll rarely be sent back more than a level or two after a game over. Not to mention, after you reach a save point in a world, assuming you have a few coins, you can go back to it after any level and save your game. This allows you to go through some of the toughest sections of the game without having to replay any levels... or, it would if it weren't for bonus rooms and DK coins, but I'll address that later.

Control
There isn't a lot to be said here other than that the game controls well. The cartwheel-to-jump in mid-air is a fun mechanic carried over from the first game that allows for long, tricky jumps. It also should be noted that Diddy and Dixie control slightly differently, allowing for more variety.

Overall Fun Factor
With varied play mechanics such as barrel blast timing, roller coasters, and hot-air balloons, the game avoids feeling stale or mundane. Different animal buddies with different abilities add variety and keep things fresh as well. Everything sounds pretty great, right? Well it is... but there's one thing I am not as big of a fan of. To really beat the game and see the game's true ending, you'll have to discover hidden bonus rooms and DK coins. This leads to some blind jumps and aimless wandering... things I don't like to see in platforming games. Luckily, as a kid, I avoided this problem by using a small pocket guide that shows the locations of the coins and bonus rooms. Some might call it cheating, but I enjoyed myself a lot more than if I would have repeated levels over and over again until I finally found all the secrets. The bonus challenges themselves are entertaining and varied, but I'm not as keen on their hidden nature. I can see why some people might like these hidden rooms, but to me, they are an early version of "fetch quests," which unfortunately would later come to dominate the platforming genre. That aside, there's a lot of great platforming to be enjoyed in DKC2 and it will always be remembered as one of my favorite games from my childhood.

Platforming Week: Super Castlevania IV

Most of you reading already know this, but Super Castlevania IV was actually not the first Castlevania game I played. Instead, I had a bit of an odd introduction to the series with the Nintendo 64 Castlevania. Calm down, take it easy... set that hate aside. I say that simply to illustrate what a drastic change I was in for playing Super Castlevania IV the first time and what a treat it was for me.

Soundtrack
The Castlevania series is known for having excellent soundtracks, and Castlevania IV doesn't disappoint. From subdued, eerie atmospheric tracks to Simon's exhilarating and powerful theme, the game has a wide variety of music. I'm not saying all of the music is memorable, but if it isn't getting you pumped, it's usually contributing to the atmosphere. Not to mention, towards the end of the game, some of the classic themes from previous Castlevania games return triumphantly to pump you up for the final battle. The soundtrack adds a lot to the experience and helps make a great game even better.

Difficulty
Castlevania IV is, with little doubt in my mind, the easiest game in the classic Castlevania series. This, however, does not mean that Castlevania IV is an easy game by any means. Super Castlevania IV poses enough of a challenge that it feels satisfying to beat, but not so much of a challenge that it results in feelings of extreme frustration and shouting at your television. This is a delicate balance that many platformers struggle with.

It should be noted that I have completed Castlevania IV several times, so it's difficult to remember how much harder the game was for me on my first attempt. I'm sure it took me many more continues than it does today, but thanks to its password system, I was always able to pick up not too far from where I left off. It has recently come to my attention that if you play through the game a second time without resetting or turning the game off, you will be able to play a harder version. I realize I'm not taking that into account when considering the difficulty, but to me, playing a game through to the end usually is considered "beating" it. It's not as though Dracula suddenly flies away and you don't kill him so you have to start all over to get back to him. It doesn't pull that crap.

Control
Perhaps the biggest reason Castlevania IV seems easier than its predecessors is its control. Castlevania I and III (and II, I suppose) feature that stiff jump mechanic, where if you line up a jump wrong, you're done. Castlevania IV allows you to change your jump in the air, which is a lot more forgiving. Not only that, but Simon can whip in 8 directions. That's 6 more directions than usual, and damn does that help. While rarely useful, Simon can even move while crouching. These play mechanics make for a lot fewer cheap deaths. There certainly still are some deaths you'll never see coming the first time, but not nearly as many as you'll encounter in Castlevania I and III.

Overall Fun Factor
Less frustratingly cheap deaths = more fun. A wide variety of levels, such as a rotating room and swinging chandeliers add to the fun as well. Add a neat Indiana Jones style whip-swinging mechanic and you've got icing on the cake. Simply put, this game is fun and I'm glad I played through it again today. I technically can't call it my first Castlevania, but some would say I could still call it my first "real" Castlevania. I prefer just to call it a damn fine example of a platformer.

A Brief Introduction to "Platforming Week"

Jump!

This past week, my good friend over at Cinema is Cinema wrote about a different RPG each day of the week. I may not be as well-spoken as he is, but I figured I could give this "daily post week" thing a shot. However, in the interest of keeping things slightly different, I figured I would stray from talking about the same genre of games. Instead, I've decided to talk about the genre I played first and grew to love even more as time went on: the platformer.

Anyone who knows my taste in games at all knows I am a huge fan of platforming games, or, as I like to call them, "Go right and jump games." Why do I love them so much? That's a damn good question, and unfortunately, I don't really have an answer. Perhaps it's the fact that it's how I started playing games. Maybe it's because of the feeling of satisfaction I get upon completing a level. It could be that "easy to learn, tough to master" mentality that's so prevalent in most platformers. I really can't say, and as such, it's difficult to objectively review platformers. After playing a game, I can tell you whether or not I enjoyed it, but the more I try to analyze it, the more confused I get. Therefore, I likely will not be looking at too many specific qualities, but a few main things I will mention in each game will be the soundtrack, difficulty, control, and overall fun factor of the game.

To conclude this introduction, I would like to point out that I'm not claiming the games I write about are the "best platforming titles of all time" or anything like that. They're simply games that stand out in my mind as enjoyable platformers. It goes without saying that there will be many popular fan-favorites that I will not be mentioning. The platformer is a genre that's seen hundreds of titles so it would be nearly impossible for me to play all of them. That being said, it is a genre I truly love and will continue to play more games in.

I will kick off the week tomorrow with a look at the first 2D Castlevania I played and what is likely my favorite of the "classic" series before the "metroidvania" style gameplay, "Super Castlevania IV."

Enter the Algol Solar System

When asked to think of classic RPG series, undoubtedly for me the first two I would think of would be Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy. Both debuted on the NES and are still running today. I’m ashamed to say that, until recently, I might not have considered Phantasy Star to be a part of the classic RPG list. After playing through the original Phantasy Star as part of the Phantasy Star Collection on GBA, I can’t imagine leaving out Phantasy Star.

That being said, I understand why it wasn’t until many years later that I found out about the original Phantasy Star games. Not unlike so many others, I didn’t really show any interest in RPG’s until Final Fantasy VII. Even that I didn’t play when it was brand new, so really the first time I heard the name, “Phantasy Star” was with “Phantasy Star Online.” I played the gamecube version offline with some friends, and it was fun, but I never really thought of it as an RPG as I was fairly unfamiliar with the concept of an action RPG at the time.

Now that “Grandpa’s” done reminiscing for a bit, let’s talk about the
“grampa game” at hand here… that being Phantasy Star. Graphically, Phantasy Star is pretty impressive considering it’s 22 years old. Where it really stands out is in the enemy sprites and… *gasp* ANIMATIONS! Yeah yeah, I guess 22 years have made enemy animations seem slightly less impressive, but remember the other 2 classic series I mentioned, Final Fantasy and Dragon Warrior. At the time, neither series had enemy animations.

The game also features “cut-scenes” for each of the character introductions and at one or two important events in the game. Now, I put cut-scenes in quotes because generally these cut-scenes consist of one or maybe two still images, but it still adds something to the experience. The fact that the characters have introductions and names actually adds something as well. It’s certainly still a very basic plot, but it’s nice to have the characters come in to play through events instead of simply naming them all at the beginning. It was also nice to see a female in an old RPG that’s not only capable of doing more than just healing, but actually plays the lead role. Kudos to Sega.

In addition to the graphics, Phantasy Star also has some very catchy and memorable tunes. This is always a major plus since old RPG’s always have you wandering around in fields grinding levels for long periods of time. Another small thing that made a big difference to me is that themes continue after the interruption of a battle. It may not sound like much, but these old RPG’s had such high encounter rates that a map or dungeon theme will almost never be uninterrupted by a battle unless you stay put. I remember this bugging me as I was playing through the final dungeon in the original NES Final Fantasy. My favorite part of the song kicks in about 15 seconds into the loop. If you’re constantly moving, it’s likely you’ll get into a battle within 15 seconds… which… further proves my point about high encounter rates in old games. The tower theme in Phantasy Star is excellent and clocks in at a whopping 52 seconds. Okay, so that’s still not long, but you’re going to run into an enemy before the loop finishes if you keep moving, so it’s nice the theme picks up where it left off upon completing a battle.

It should be clear that I enjoyed the game, but there’s one major problem I had with it. It’s difficult to consider it a “flaw,” especially since it was advanced for the time, but I really didn’t enjoy the pseudo-3D dungeons. It seemed really cool at first, but as soon as I got into some more involved dungeons, I realized what I had gotten myself into. You really can only see about 3 steps in front of you, and many things are invisible until you come directly upon it. For example, one dungeon has a boss you have to fight at the end of a hallway. Because this boss isn’t behind a door or anything, you may come literally ONE STEP in front of the boss, look its direction and see nothing but a dead end of a hallway. Before I realized how complicated these dungeons were going to get, I tried to beat them without any help from guides or maps, so I looked down the hallway, saw a dead-end, and continued to aimlessly explore. That’s my biggest issue with the game. It’s nearly impossible to complete without the help of a guide and maps. I always try very hard to never use guides or maps if they aren’t provided with the game, but Phantasy Star simply asks too much. Early on I tried to map a dungeon, but after realizing some hallways lead to traps which make you fall through the floor and are invisible… I decided I’d get help for this one.

With the help of a guide and maps, the game was still enjoyable, but having to use a guide is such a curse. You’re forever lost without it, but if you use it, it’s boring and just following directions. Still, an 8-floor dungeon with branching paths and all kinds of dead-ends isn’t exactly my idea of fun, certainly not with such a disorienting perspective. After finding a balance of looking when I needed to and avoiding it when I didn’t, it still proved to be an enjoyable experience. I just would strongly urge anyone serious about completing this game to understand how difficult it would be without help. Also, I would recommend playing it on the Wii’s VC or the actual Master System if possible. All the sound and everything came out pretty well in this GBA version, but it had a pesky saving glitch. I’ve looked around and it does, unfortunately, seem to be a bug with the GBA game. On occasion, when you attempt to save your progress, the game will crash. It’s a very distressing thought to realize that the next time you save, you may be unable to save, losing all progress since your last successful save. I was able to beat the game on the GBA cartridge, and it only happened 2 or 3 times, but it DID happen 2 or 3 times, so you always know it COULD happen. I’ve begun to play a little Phantasy Star 2 on this collection and have yet to encounter the saving glitch, but I’m always a little nervous when it comes time to save. All in all, I’m glad I played the game and am definitely interested in looking more into the rest of the series.

Achievement Unlocked: These Are The Breaks

(This is how most gamers react when I start to talk about achievements.)

It's time I finally talked about something remotely relevant to current gaming. I know, achievements/trophies are nothing new, but they're a large part of what is apparently now the current standard in gaming. As someone who's predominantly stuck in the past when it comes to video games, trophy/achievement hunting was a new experience, one that left me feeling dirty, like a cheater, and ultimately unrewarded. I decided one of the only ways I could get myself to truly hunt for trophies would be with games from a time-period I'm more comfortable with, so I trophy-hunted in Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection on PS3.

While I'm generally against resorting to walkthroughs or FAQ's right from the get-go, I figured the best way to get the full experience of trophy-whoring (or "trophy-hunting" if you prefer to use euphemisms) would be to load up a trophy guide and shoot down the list. Again, I already felt dirty by this point, but I was merely getting started. Let's talk about some "highlights." Ecco the Dolphin has one of the most pathetic trophies in the entire collection... "Talk to another dolphin." For those of you who don't know Ecco the Dolphin, this means in the first area of the game, you go up to a fellow dolphin (who's very close by) and press a button near him. DONE. Bronze trophy. "I got awarded for that?" I thought to myself. I wasn't anywhere close to done yet.

While that trophy was pathetic, I wouldn't call it game-breaking. I mean, you have to communicate with other dolphins in Ecco to play the game... you just also have to do a whole lot MORE than communicate with other dolphins to actually play through the game. There are plenty of trophies in the Genesis collection, however, that ARE game-breaking. In true trophy-hunting fashion, let's go down the list. Bonanza Brothers requires you to reach a certain amount of points in the first level. My goal? Complete the level as fast as possible collecting a big time bonus at the end. Pfft, what the hell was I thinking? I'm not PLAYING the game... I'm FARMING the game for TROPHIES! Silly me... beating the level quickly and efficiently simply wouldn't give me the points I needed. Clearly the pro way to play that would earn me a trophy would have me standing in the same place and repeatingly attacking someone I would simply avoid in normal gameplay. The point of Bonanza Brothers is to rob a place... that means get the stuff and get out of there. To get the trophy, I simply stood in one place and kept slamming a door on a guard over and over for points. Oh, and by the way, the trophy guide had NO strategy for that one. I guess among trophy-hunters, a strategy so convoluted and seemingly foolish is common knowledge. (Actually, the 360 achievement guide DOES mention my strategy. I guess I wouldn't be surprised if 360 owners have achievement hunting down better than PS3 owners.)

Next on the list we have Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine, which is simply Puyo Puyo or Kirby's Avalanche. Uh-oh, this one's a gold trophy... Aww man... I have to complete the game? Trophy guide, say it ain't so! ... Oh, thank God... it ISN'T so. Look up the password for the last stage in the game, pop that in, beat the stage and congratulations! Gold trophy. (Admittedly, I didn't want to play that much M.B.M. but it felt cheap and dirty.)

Vectorman 2... let's see, what do I have to do to get this easy silver... REACH SCENE 11?!? But... but... that game's hard! *consults trophy guide* ... Ohh... Phew... *Puts in level cheat, skips to stage 11.* Silver trophy.

I think I've illustrated my point in how trophies/achievements can be game-breaking, but I've got one last issue to address before I stop bashing them. There's no standard in how difficult it should be to get an achievement/trophy, which leads to some hilariously stupid comparisons. For example, that bronze trophy I mentioned for Ecco? Apparently beating MvC2 with a team of Street Fighter characters and using no continues is considered to be the same level of difficulty as pressing a button once. Oh, and beating Mega Man 10 on hard difficulty is a bronze trophy as well. Not to mention, gold is clearly better than silver, right? Why then, is beating Mega Man 10 without ever getting hit a silver trophy, and collecting 100 rings with Tails in the first stage of Sonic 3 a gold trophy? Don't get me wrong, I realize some games have stupidly hard trophies and some have stupidly easy ones, but some players work so hard to up their "gamerscore" or their "trophy level" and for what? To prove their superiority over other gamers? Sorry, but I'm still going to consider the guy who can beat Mega Man 10 without getting hit a better player than the guy who sits through Terminator Salvation regardless of the fact that the trophies would argue otherwise.

I suppose I sound like a crotchety old man complaining about these newfangled video games, but I'm not here to say that achievements/trophies are all bad. Sometimes earning a trophy that actually takes work can feel satisfying. Trophies can also allow you to discover things about a game you might not have thought of or play the game in a new light (such as clearing an area of the game without using certain common items or only using a certain weapon). In these cases, I support achievements and think they are a welcome innovation in video games. However, it's all too often that you hear about people playing through terrible games just for easy trophies or breaking a game to crack it open and reveal the delicious easy-trophy center. I did my time, I got my "platinum" trophy, but it still doesn't compare to the rewarding feeling of simply beating a challenging game. I'm not entirely against trophies... but if there was a game called, "Trophy get!" and all you did was leave it on for a certain amount of hours on a blank screen and get trophies for it, it would probably sell... and that really scares me.

The Epicenter of Shit

Pictured above: My thoughts after buying another can of Earthquake: high gravity lager.

All right, I’m long overdue to do a post on some of the horrible alcoholic beverages I’ve consumed. Any time an alcoholic beverage comes in a 24 oz. can, you’ve got to watch yourself. Then when the product is named after a natural disaster, you’ve really got to check yourself. Now, when you’ve got an alcoholic beverage that comes in a 24 oz. can, is named after a natural disaster, AND is 12% alcohol… what do you get? You get "Earthquake: high gravity lager," and maybe a little vomit in the back of your throat.

Remember Warheads? The candy? I know, I know, I sound like I’m on a tangent, but hang on. Remember what the challenge was? Try and keep all of the sour flavor in your mouth without swallowing it to endure the super sour flavor before you got to the sweet candy at the end. Well, I present to you the adult version. Earthquake: high gravity lager. Can you keep it on your tongue enduring the horrible flavor before you get to the sweet drunkenness at the end? Chances are that no, no you can’t… just slam it down quickly trying to avoid all flavor. If you don’t, you’re going to be in for a terrible experience. Let me take a sip and see if I can describe its atrocious taste.

Nope… I can’t. If horrible was a flavor, this would be it. This thing is so vile and disgusting, you can’t pin a particular flavor on it. “Just what does it taste like?” I hear you cry. My response would just simply be… an earthquake, and not just in the sense of the “high gravity lager.” I mean, an earthquake. It tastes like tragedy, despair, dead flesh, ruptured septic tanks, and lost hopes and dreams.

Well, the Earthquake has passed, and I’m in the re-building phase, but I can tell you without a doubt that these things ruin lives. I can now say that I've tasted what homelessness must taste like, and it isn't very appealing. I have a quick question… why do bros drink stuff like Coors Light? If they just had stuff like Earthquake, they could get a lot more drunk for a lot cheaper. Is it really just the notion that it’s “better to drink more?” Even if more is arguably less? Oh right... because they'd rather avoid the seismic shit that is an, "Earthquake." Did... did I just give bros credit for something? If that's not a testament to how much brain-killing power these things have, then I don't know what is.

If your taste buds and internal organs are feeling masochistic, and you've only got $1.50 to your name, Earthquake is the drink for you. If you're anyone else, I highly encourage you evacuate the area before the Earthquake wreaks havoc.

In the absence of posts

I always say to myself that I'm going to start posting more, but then I never do. Well, this is an honest effort, so while I will still try to do well-thought-out posts, I may also try and do some smaller posts here and there to fill the void between posts.

I suppose I should be talking about all the E3 shenanigans that's been happening, but I don't have too many thoughts. The only one of the 3 press conferences I actually saw was Sony's and all I can say about that one is, "ugh." Very few games actually stood out as titles I would care about. Not to mention, one of the few titles that stood out was Sly Cooper... and even there, upon closer inspection, I believe it said Sly Cooper "compilation" or "collection" so that's probably not a new game. It's neat to see Twisted Metal resurface, but it also was looking pretty complicated. I'm not sure if that will add something or just over-complicate things, but I am keeping my eyes on that one.

Microsoft, I don't know anything about. I totally missed their press conference. As far as I can tell though, they didn't talk that much about actual titles either and focused on their motion-sensing gimmick.

Nintendo seemed to steal the show with titles, and actually showed a few that I'm optimistic for. Once again I missed their press conference, but since I actually own a Wii, I figured I'd check out some of the upcoming titles. More Metroid, and more Zelda. More of the things I love, which is cool, but the one that really caught me by surprise was Kirby. I'm actually very excited about Kirby. It looks to have some very interesting gameplay mechanics. Plus, it's bright and colorful, which is something that doesn't seem to be all that common in games today, and I'm a fan.

As I said, these are going to be shorter posts, and that's about all I've got for now. Look for more shorter posts in the near future, sure to be filled with random thoughts on games I'm playing or me whining about how new games aren't like old games. Hey, you never know, I could play something new one of these days, which better be in 3-D. I mean, it's the future, right?

"Out of the cockpit and into... WAIT, NO! GET BACK IN THE COCKPIT!"

StarFox Adventures is a game I had no interest in playing when I was younger, and that fact is very confusing to me. I read game magazines (EGM, hell yeah!) so I knew it wasn't like StarFox on SNES or N64. I knew it was a Zelda clone, but I also loved Nintendo and its main franchises. Through the almighty powers of Wikipedia, I've deduced a possibility. If Wikipedia is to be believed, StarFox Adventures was released on September 23, 2002. At this point, Super Mario Sunshine had only been out for about a month, so I may have been aiming to get that instead or I had just gotten it so I'd have to wait for a bit before I got another new game. Not to mention, Animal Crossing was released on September 15, 2002, so I may have been more focused on getting that as well.

Well that's fine and all, but what about the actual game? Well, despite it being the third entry in the "StarFox" series, StarFox it ain't. In fact, it's so "not StarFox," that it originally wasn't even going to be a StarFox game. It would have been called, "Dinosaur Planet" and Fox McCloud wouldn't have been anywhere in sight. That certainly explains why the Arwing traveling stages feel so tacked on. Honestly, while they don't take much time, I think the game would have benefited from not having these sections at all. All they did for me was help clearly illustrate the overall mediocrity of the whole experience.

Like I said, it's a Zelda clone. Not surprisingly, it doesn't beat Zelda at its own game, but it isn't horrible either. I would complain about the massive amount of backtracking, but that's always been an issue for me with Rare games. Now hold on, before you start defending Rare to the death, I like Rare too. I still stand by the fact that Banjo-Kazooie, Jet Force Gemini, and Donkey Kong 64 all had tons of backtracking (though let me quickly clarify that those 3 games should not be grouped together, as Donkey Kong 64 is nowhere near as good as the other two). The dungeons in StarFox Adventures aren't bad, and some have decent puzzles. They're certainly the highlight of the game. The combat with regular enemies is flawed and usually just consists of mashing the A button. You have an evade and a guard, but neither seem to ever help you get past an enemy's defenses any better than just mashing the A button.

All in all what does it add up to? To be fair, the game is pretty good. The graphics aren't bad even by today's standards, which means that they're amazing for 2002. It's kind of odd to think that such an early Gamecube game would have some of the best graphics on the system, but it's true. The combat sucks, but the dungeons help make up for it. The backtracking is a serious nuisance, but I also took long breaks between sessions of the game which surely lead to confusion and getting lost, making backtracking that much more frustrating.

Before I wrap this up, though, I would like to mention that this game definitely reaches, "dangerously furry," on the furry scale. They really push the sex appeal of Krystal at the end of the game, so much so that when her theme kicked in, I honestly felt a little uncomfortable. It's a sultry, jazzy sax solo that when paired with Krystal's extremely sexual design, surely is responsible for at least a few prepubescent boys' ventures into furry fandom. Still, who am I to judge? I mean, I loved Sly Cooper (which as irony would have it, was released on the same day as StarFox Adventures).

In the end, StarFox Adventures is a decent game that falls just short of greatness and lands in the higher part of the realm of mediocrity. It was interesting to take Fox out of the Arwing, and it made for a decent game, but I much prefer his appearances on the SNES and N64. So please, Fox... listen to Guile and, "Just get in the plane!"

"Wahoo!"

He's got big floppy ears, a hat with Pac-man on it, and I don't know what the hell he is, but he sure is cute. He's Klonoa, and he's starred in some of the best platforming games I've ever played. Klonoa: Door to Phantomile on the PS1 is a 2.5D platformer, meaning it plays predominantly like a 2D platformer with moments in which players can periodically interact with the background and foreground. It stays pretty true to the 2D formula, but the 3D elements do spice things up and keep it interesting. The game is a little too easy, but it does increase in difficulty at a decent pace. It's a little on the easy side, even in the end, although the bonus level poses a tough and very satisfying challenge. The lack of challenge never takes away from the fun of the game, however, as the level design is great and provides a lot of fun and variety. In short, I love the game. Klonoa is an extremely lovable character, but despite the overwhelming level of cuteness, the game ends on a far more serious and somber note. It really gives meaning to the whole thing and makes it far more memorable. It's a very short game, however, and can easily be completed in a weekend, and likely could be beaten in an afternoon.

Despite the lack of popularity, Klonoa did get a sequel on PS2, Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil. Like it's predecessor, Klonoa 2 plays in a 2.5D fashion. The graphics have received a hefty update and give the game the look of a colorful cartoon. For the most part, Klonoa 2 is just more of what the first game was, but that's by no means a bad thing. It's still overly cute, though I didn't get quite as attached to the second game as much as I did the first. It's still very solid platforming, a lot of fun, and a worthy successor to the first game.

Unfortunately, this is where the main series ends. As of late, there are no more true entries in the main Klonoa series. It should be noted that there was a remake of the original game released for the Wii in 2009, but that can hardly be considered another entry in the series. After the two main games, there were 2 handheld Klonoa games for the GBA.

Klonoa: Empire of Dreams and Klonoa 2: Dream Champ Tournament are fundamentally the same. Both are strictly in 2D as opposed to the 2.5 system seen in their console brothers, likely due to technical constraints. That doesn't mean these games should be overlooked however. The main game mechanic of picking up enemies and using them to double-jump is still in the GBA games, but the games are more puzzle-based than simply platformers. In fact, both games actually provide some rather challenging puzzles. They're more puzzle than platformer, while still having strong platforming elements. Calling them platformers would be like calling Portal an FPS. You're not entirely wrong... but you're not quite right either.

The GBA games don't have stories or music I connected with like the console games do, but that's to be expected and they do still have twists to try and keep things from getting too stale. Ironically enough, the GBA games probably take longer to complete than the console games, though it's tougher for me to judge, as I tended to play them in small doses. Such is the nature of handhelds sometimes. Overall the GBA games are decent additions to the Klonoa franchise, but they simply don't live up to the console games. They do still provide a fun, albeit different gaming experience, along with some head-scratching areas that will leave you feeling satisfied once you have found the solution.

Before I finish, I would like to talk a bit more about the Wii version of Klonoa which I mentioned earlier. As I said, it is a remake of the original Door to Phantomile, but there have been some minor changes. The only major change from the original is the graphics, which is to be expected. The game looks more like how Klonoa 2 did, which isn't a bad thing. Klonoa's design has also been changed ever so slightly, as they for some reason removed his collar in the Wii version (although the original costume is unlocked after completing the game). I don't really like the change, but it's so subtle, that I don't really dislike it either. The other changes, however, I'm not as pleased with. For one, an easy game has been made even easier. The original Door to Phantomile on PS1 allowed for 6 hits before taking a life, but the Wii version has bumped it up to 10 hits. Not only that, but hearts heal more than they did. In the original, a small heart would heal 1 hit, and a big heart would heal 3 hits. In the Wii version, hearts heal double, with small and big healing 2 and 6 hits respectively. Considering one of my only complaints with the original was that it was a bit too easy, it's understandable why I don't like these changes. Finally, English voices have been added, and while they're not atrocious, the game works much better with characters speaking in "Phantomillian" gibberish. Thankfully, there is a "Phantomillian" language option, but curiously, this gibberish has all been re-recorded for the Wii version. One last thing is that Klonoa was given a new ability that can slow down nearby enemies, but frankly, I never once used it. The original PS1 game is certainly the definitive version of the game, but the Wii game is a lot cheaper and easier to find, so if it's your only option, you should still gladly take it.

I've certainly gone on long enough this time, but try to understand that Door to Phantomile and Klonoa 2 are among my absolute favorite platformers. I felt as though I should give the little guy some love, since so few others do. I'd love to see another true Klonoa game, but I can't say that I'm optimistic. That said, I'll gladly replay these gems any day and leave the thought of a new game to dreams.

"Ryu, be always brave..."

Let’s talk a little bit about Ninja Gaiden. It’s pretty popular and almost everyone knows what it is. However, I found motivation to write about these classic games after another bored session of Omegle. I was telling someone about the various games I play, and I said, “Mega Man, Ninja Gaiden, Super Mario Bros, Castlevania... classics.” I figured I should go with famous titles. If I said, “Sparkster, Klonoa, Journey to Silius, and Secret of Mana,” a lot of gamers wouldn't know what the hell I was talking about, especially more modern gamers. However, his response proved his “modern gamer” status all on its own. “I love Ninja Gaiden.” Knowing what was probably coming next, I asked, “On what system?”

“PS3.”

Chances are he didn’t even realize there were old Ninja Gaiden games. While I hear the new games are good, and I really would like to play them, the classic NES trilogy should not be forgotten, as they are some of the finest examples of platforming from their time. There’s one simple thing about these games that stands out for me in terms of excellence and, in my opinion, withstands the test of time. It’s not the cutscenes, as obviously those have done nothing but evolve since their humble beginnings in games like Ninja Gaiden. It’s not the difficulty, though these games still prove to be immensely challenging. Even the excellent soundtracks are not what I would consider the highlight of the series. What is it then that stands out so much in my mind? The control. These games are fast-paced, but thanks to tight controls, there actually are ways to avoid the game’s many seemingly impossible deathtraps. Nothing against Castlevania, but if Ryu controlled like Simon Belmont does, Ninja Gaiden would likely be impossible.

However, you may have noticed that at no point have I said that these games are “fair,” or that “every death feels like it could have been easily prevented.” Oh no, I’m not saying that at all. You will die, and you will die a lot. You have to learn to go around the game’s problems such as infinite respawning of enemies and the pitfalls that are rampant throughout the entire series. A particular section of 5-3 in the first game stands out distinctly in my mind. There’s a pit in front of you and a bat coming at you… what do you do? 1st attempt: Kill the bat and jump! You kill the bat, he respawns over the pit, you hit him, and fall to your death. Care to try again? Wait for the right placement, jump the bat carefully, and BAM! A cheetah comes from nowhere and knocks you back into the pit. While these deaths can and will be prevented once you learn the level, there’s literally NO WAY you could possibly react to these death traps the first time you encounter them. Not to mention 6-2 of the first game, don’t even get me started on that crap.

What’s that, player? You haven’t had enough of this? How about sending you back through the hardest section of the game when you fail the final boss just once? How about creating stage hazards in the second game to trip you up? How about throwing you back multiple sections every time you die, AND limited continues in the third game? You still want to play, player?

If any of that doesn’t sound fun, you might be on to something. These games are excessively hard and they’re going to punish you every chance they get. So am I some crazy masochist for wanting to finish all three of these games? Possibly, but I would have given up long ago if these games didn’t all have such excellent control. Still, these games push the limits of what a hard game should be. They all have to be done in one sitting, no battery backup or passwords, and in the case of Ninja Gaiden III, you get limited continues. It should be noted that both of those problems are remedied in the SNES compilation, "Ninja Gaiden Trilogy," but there the music sounds considerably worse and I'm not fond of the controls. I understand it uses the exact same button scheme as the NES games, but using Y as attack and B as jump would have made more sense on an SNES controller than using B and A. The NES versions are the way to go.

All in all, the Ninja Gaiden series stands out as 3 fast-paced, viciously hard, and immensely satisfying games on the NES. I'm not going to pretend that these games aren't frustrating, because every one of them frustrated the hell out of me, particularly 3 with it's even more punishing difficulty. If you go into them expecting to repeat levels a lot, however, you may find yourself with some masochistic tendencies, and enjoying the games a lot. Or... you could, you know... use an emulator and save states like everyone else. You don't HAVE to be as stubborn/dumb as I am.

(Final note: that line still makes me laugh. "Ryu, u sexist?")

Let's Play! ChuLip 16

It's episode 16 of our Let's Wait! series.
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Let's Play! ChuLip 15

Yeah, it's our 15th anniversary special... and it's more of the same crap
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Let's Play! ChuLip 14

It's more of dat ChuLip.
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Let's Play! ChuLip 13

*foghorn sound*
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What would you do with $31,600.00?

Apparently, if you're a serious collector, you'd purchase the ultra-rare Atari 2600 game, "Air Raid," complete with box. You can check out the story and the thousands of comments about it over at Atari Age. Being the weirdo that I am, loving crazy video game news, I just had to follow this auction as soon as I saw it was on ebay. It came to a close last night with a final price of $31,600.00. I remember watching the auction in the last few minutes. When there was 1 minute left, it was at about $14,700.00. I jokingly called out to high-paying bidders as I said to my computer, "C'mon guys! You can do better! I bet you can even hit $15,000.00!" Needless to say, I was blown away when the final results came in. I once again have to say... $31,600.00! I began to think about what you could buy for that amount of money. I mean hell, I could get... 31,600 boxes of Jujyfruits! That, or... of course... any number of far less stupid things than candy. Here I am, thinking, "Am I REALLY willing to spend $50 for The Misadventures of Tron Bonne?" Then I see an auction like this and am reminded of the "rare" games just out of my price range (Earthbound, The Misadventures of Tron Bonne, & Wild Guns to name a few). They're not even in the same league as the truly rare games. Generally speaking, I would consider myself a collector of video games, but in the grander scheme of things, I guess I'm not.

Okay, sure, it was a lot of money, but what's the point of this post? THAT IT WAS A LOT OF MONEY. I'm pretty sure all of my games combined don't add up to that kind of value. Let's pretend I have 30 games for every system I own, which I don't. Let's pretend I paid $50 for every one of those games, which is a gross overestimate, as likely more than half of my entire collection was purchased at far cheaper prices. It gets complicated, but we'll say including various handhelds of old, and the systems that I only have a few games for, I've got a total of 16 consoles. 30 games for each of the 16 consoles, every game priced at $50. That's likely a serious overestimate, and it STILL ends up as $24,000, which is more than $7,000 less than this one rare cartridge! Holy crap.

I guess what it all comes down to is perspective. Just recently I was whining about the high price of Earthbound carts to Ridah Kick when he put things into perspective for me. "60 bucks for a 30 hour amazing RPG? or the next 8 hour shooter?" That's what he said, word for word, and he poses a damn good point. So what if it's old? If it's an excellent game, why is a game suddenly "not worth that much" because it's old? That's when it hit me. I'm less hesitant when the game means something to me or is a really good game. A year or so ago, I finally caved and bought one of my favorite games I always played at a friend's house, Secret of Mana, for about $30. Days later, the game came out on the Wii's VC priced at a cool, affordable $8. Though I found it ironic, I wasn't disappointed, because I love Secret of Mana. That's the kind of collecting I understand. Games to play. Admittedly, The Misadventures of Tron Bonne wouldn't be nearly as good as some of those other classics, but I assure you I would play it. Air Raid on the other hand? Okay, if you want the definitive Atari 2600 collection, I guess you'd need it, but yikes. The game doesn't even play that well, though admittedly, it's pretty sweet to boot up an atari emulator and say to yourself, "HAH! I'm playing a $31,600 game!." Then after about 2 minutes, if you're anything like me, you say, "Okay, where's my $6 Journey to Silius cartridge?"

Let's Play! ChuLip 12

A.K.A. Let's Play! Purgatory 12.
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